WOAH... (click the link)

Another day we'll sing about the magic that was you and me

And it's okay, if you had to go away, 
Oh, just remember the telephones, they work both in ways
and the more you follow through
theres always more left over
not too much explaining to do
and if ever ever ever you find your love
I will be your lifeline- I wont ever miss a phone call
but if I never never never never never hear them ring, 
If nothing else, I'll think the bells inside have finally found you someone else 
Well thats okay...cause I'll remember everything you sang.....
Because you and I both loved 
what you and I spoke of
and others can only dream of
Yeah, others can only read of
the love that I love...
(Jason Mraz)

Here's to the end of an amazing period of my life
and the beginning of a new adventure;
I'm open for anything....

Live and learn

Today I realized that life will always give us the medicine we need (in a metaphorical way). Even if we can't see it or truly understand everything we go through, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And that as much as we try to avoid life's lessons they will always come to us....often times in the worst possible moment of our life. But what can you do? Live and learn.
It seems simple but it's incredibly hard...because many times we don't even see or understand the lesson being taught, but it's there...and we're responsible for leaning.
and slowly as I go through my process of life, I am living and learning. just that. and I know that everything that happens today affects tomorrow and that through the many lessons we are taught we can reach a certain level of enlightenment. That is, if we chose to. It is always important to remain positive and never lose our faith.
I am going through a horrible time in my life where even my own mother told me not to count on her.... As much as it hurts everyday and as upsetting as that may be, without my faith I have nothing. And I will never stop working towards a brighter and better tomorrow.
"Be...and this too shall pass"

.

I'm trapped. In a place of loneliness, and fear, and depression, and sadness. and it SUCKS. everyday I tell myself: "Today. Today it'll be okay. Today you won't cry. Today you won't look back or reminisce" but I always do. It's uncontrollable, and it happens completely randomly. But at least I see myself, I see my emotions, and I understand that it is a process that I have to go through.


I guess the worst part is just knowing that the fairy tale love I always imagined is false and that love may actually have a completely different meaning than I thought. Before, I thought that love was forever, but now I realize that it is possible to completely forget and stop loving someone. It just takes time. But why? why do we stop loving people? or I guess the better question is how? It's just too complicated to understand. I wish I was still dumb and naive to the realities of love. Everything was so simple that way. Everything was a fairy tale. 


And now I'm here, confused and scared. I don't think I can ever love again. I don't think I can even really think of love right now because I don't know what it is. What I thought it was isn't real, so now I'm left with nothing. or maybe I should say that I'm left with a lesson. who knows. 

Still

Something big happened...no something huge happened, and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend of two years and I broke up this past weekend. I feel as though the world is moving ahead and I'm on pause. Like, I can't be completely HERE because I am in shock and I can't move, I can't think....everything is superficial. I guess this experience has opened me up to a whole new emotion that I hadn't felt in a really long time and had forgotten existed. But the reality is that I am heartbroken, and it is real and it hurts beyond belief. But somehow deep inside me I know this is the way it has to be right now.

On the plus side (as I am struggling to see the good thing about this) is that I can look back on two years full of love, and care and happiness. I am grateful for having been part of such a beautiful process in my life. I am grateful that my pain comes out of all the happiness that we once lived; because I know that everything in the universe is constantly balancing out. This was just our time.

I guess the emptiness really hit me today when I was just alone thinking. He's not here anymore. I still can't fit my head around how that happens...and how we allow for these things to happen. I mean how can someone just leave our life? It's like we've become accustomed to this sort of detachment that we think that if something doesn't work, we can just throw it away, just like that. And the worst thing is that we do it to people. YOU CANT THROW AWAY PEOPLE!
Yet at the same time the struggle and frustration that occurs through a relationship is very real as well, and a many people have told me, there IS a place where you draw the line. But I guess we all decide that ourselves...how much are you willing to give? how hard are you willing to try? But most importantly, how much are you willing to risk for what you want?
I am just in an emotional roller coaster that is impossible to understand right now. Which is why I won't move. I'll just give my self to destiny and let it take me where ever it will.

I am leaving this relationship with a smile on my face and the best memories of my life. Not many people get to say that. At the same time, I leave with the biggest heartbreak and disappointment that we couldn't make it work. We always had that hope though, and at least we can say we tried. I don't think words can explain how I feel because it's something I can't even truly comprehend. All I know is that we all deserve happiness and love, not matter what. And we should never ever have a doubt about something. It's either that we're in it all the way, or not in at all...and that was where we began to fail at the end.

"Whatever you do, do it with your heart" 
I only hope to wake up from this nightmare right now and feel safe again...and I have faith that I will, whether it's tomorrow or months from now, I don't know when, but I'll just look forward to that day. And I'll just have faith that I am where I'm supposed to be and the world will take care of me. and for him, I know someday he will get rewarded for the great person that he is. We all get our heaven or our hell in the end, but we're responsible for that.

And as for right now, all I can do is sit with the pain...and get some comfort from Kahlil Gibran who always says it right: (and this is the second time I post this so you know it's good)....

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. 

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

I Wanna scream so loud for you....

I used to never appreciate the little things about life, including all the people around me and what they did for me. The one person that probably experienced my lack of appreciation more than anyone is my mother.  As a strong woman who has fought through thick and thin, she is a constant example to my life, and an amazing guiding figure to have growing up. She is always supportive and her love is so selfless that I truly believe that as long as I am happy, she will be happy and glad for me, no matter what.


I am writing this because we rarely take the time to acknowledge those around us, much less appreciate the things they do for us; especially to appreciate the person that gave birth to you, that held you inside their body for 9 months, and nursed you as a baby. I think bringing someone else to life is a job that takes the most love out of any other. It's amazing how we often times neglect the people we love/love us the most. I hope everyone takes some time out today to say thank you, and to acknowledge the fact that no matter who you are, you have a mother...and in the end, in one way or another, you owe your life to her. 

Thank you for teaching me to dream, and for constantly being behind me in case I fall. 

I love you

Free

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger 
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance 
Never settle for the path of least resistance 
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking,
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making 
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider 
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance 
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance 

Time is a real and constant motion always rolling us along...Tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder where those years have gone? 

I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance....DANCE!

(Lee Ann Womack)

Owl City said it right:


Wake up on your own
And look around you cuz you’re not alone
Release your high hopes and they’ll survive
Cuz this is the future and you are alive

Dive in and swim away
From your loneliness and miserable days

And when you wake up on your own
Look around you cuz you’re not alone
Let your hopes go and they’ll survive
Cuz this is the future and you are alive
…You’re headed home 

I'm Alive

"So damn easy to say that life's so hard 

Everybody's got their share of battle scars 

As for me, I'd like to thank my lucky stars that I'm alive and well... "

The past couple of weeks have been amazing for me...I have been able to put all my stress aside, be happy, and take it one step at a time :) For one, I had my IB art exam which went really well (I hope!). It was the day after I came back from my meditation retreat so I was extra relaxed and focused in what I was doing.   I was able to express my ideas in a clear way and I truly felt really confident about what I was doing. And now I'm onto the next exams...For the next two weeks I'll be studying studying studying and taking exams exams exams! But thats ok...because I'm SO CLOSE to being done that I just want to get them over with! I'm really happy about how calm I feel about this, and I think a big part of it is that I feel so much more confident in my knowledge and what I can do as a student and a person- and in the grand scheme of things, if I don't get a perfect score, who cares? 


I have also decided not to attend the once-upon-a-time school of my dreams (New College of Florida) and instead, attend the University of Virginia in the fall. As much as it hurts to leave that dream behind, I feel excited over what is coming next, and what great opportunities UVA can bring for me. On top of that, I won't be leaving college with a huggeee student loan to pay off which is also pretty good, and it will give me more options for my choice of graduate school :)
I guess I realized that my happiness will come where ever I take it- for some reason I had associated all my happiness with Florida that I didn't want to even CONSIDER anything else, but things just played out completely different than I had planned. I've realized that I can be just as happy in UVA as Florida, and I can be as successful there too! My happiness is INSIDE OF ME and it is completely separate from any place or school. 
And on the plus side I'll be only 2 hours away from my future niece!! 

"It'd be easy to add up all the pain 

and all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames, dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain--But not me...I'm alive...and today you know that's good enough for me"

(Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews)

gotta love postsecret.

Never mind what anybody else does

"Now the world can be an unfair place at times but your lows will have their compliment of highs....And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of or beat you, raise your head and wear your wounds with pride"

This I Believe

I believe the peace we keep searching for can be found within ourselves.

    I was once faced with overwhelming pain and regret that took over me and made it impossible for me to move. I thought of all the people I had ever hurt and the people who have hurt me and I was taken over by a dark emotion of instability and vulnerability. I felt completely alone.  All I could do was cry and cry and face my problems…and I thought to myself “how can life do this to me?” After spending some time submerged in my sorrow and deepest fears I realized that in order to make the pain go away I had to accept my weakness, forgive myself and forgive others.  The overwhelming sensation of depression was so deep inside of me that it was controlling me. It wasn’t until after I accepted reality and realized that I had the power to create my internal peace that I felt completely whole.

    I read a book where the author wrote “we need to get in contact with our own emptiness in order to feel whole again”. I believe there is a lot more going on inside of us than we imagine, but I also believe that deep inside we all have an eternal peace waiting to come out. After I got in contact with my own emptiness, I felt whole, and not just whole, but I felt alive and completely happy. In many ways, we create our world....We create our experiences, outlooks, and beliefs. And internally we are all more humble and peaceful than we think. After my experience with my own pain and frustration I can truly say that the peace and acceptance I was yearning for was completely inside myself. And I recommend to anyone out there to stop looking outside for the peace we desire, because when we take a second to look inward it is already there, we just have to create it. 

Awake

So now I'm back and I must say my experience at the monastery was more than amazing. At first I was anxious, scared and lost but as time passed I began to understand the whole purpose of my retreat and the time I was spending within myself started giving me the answers I was searching for. And that's a really important thing to keep in mind, having patience in whatever you're doing....many times we do things not understanding why yet there is a hidden meaning that is waiting to come out. And as a believer of the saying that some of the hardest experiences in life are the most fulfilling, this weekend definitely proved that right.


I did not speak for 3 days. I spent the time within myself, listening to my thoughts and my emotions as they took place; as I wondered, worried, smiled, etc. It was a different approach at awareness that I hadn't experienced before and it definitely connected my to my inner self and experience. I realized that as humans we have the capability to change our outlook on life, notice and appreciate the constant change in things (including ourselves), and be truly happy from the inside. I realized that we have the ability to control our emotions, and control our reaction. We have the ability to fight through pain, disillusion and find the courage in us to face anything. And most importantly, I realized that we are constantly numbed by external factors that blind us from the true reality of life and the fulfilling and amazing world we cannot notice.


I reached a state of oneness with my inner self that allowed me to notice my deepest emotions, fears, worried, needs, dreams and connected them all together into a beautiful piece of who I am. Not only that, but I got to experience every side of me and notice the contrast, and see the different parts of the person that I am. Lastly, I was able to see that I am a being of love, compassion and peace.


The problem with our world and the way our mind works is that we constantly place experiences in different categories: whether good, bad, or neutral. When something amazing happens to us and we feel happy, we try to hold on to that moment and memory forever, and later on associate another happy experience with that moment and how it felt. At the same time, when something unpleasant happens to us we put it in the "bad" category and neglect it and try to get it our of our lives. The monks said that every obstacle is an opportunity for enlightenment. We need to learn to appreciate and embrace the negative emotions and experiences in order to truly be happy. It's so hard to change and control the world, but with practice we can learn to change and control our minds. "Nothing is good, nor bad but thinking makes it so". Let me tell you one thing, when you are sitting straight up in a lotus position for one hour you feel SEVERE pain. but after a while you begin to realize that the pain subsides and your body gets to a point where it can completely block out the pain that was so clear before. Not only that, but as you become aware of your emotions you begin to see the change that takes place within them. For example: anger, many people believe that when one gets angry that is a constant emotion and all of a sudden their whole day is ruined. But we don't notice that anger only lives for as long as we let it, and after a while it begins to go away, but we get so hung up on the emotion that we keep it alive for longer than it should. By learning to see these changes in our emotions we can be happier and more aware of our experiences as they pass by. Some emotions are uncontrollable but our reaction is always under our control.


I also learned a lot about simplicity and being humble. We keep looking for external factors to make us happy to bring us satisfaction and joy but those factors are only present for as long as they last. External satisfaction is only temporary. When we learn to be happy with the world and ourselves for exactly as they are we can reach a level of satisfaction that can't be taken away from us. We need to begin cultivating our happiness and joy within ourselves instead of placing it always on another object. WE are the holders of our happiness, WE are the holders of our life experience, so we need to stop placing happiness in the future and making excuses for our life of dissatisfaction. The reality is that our happiness is alive within ourselves and is waiting to come out, yet we keep stopping it- always asking for more and more. We truly don't need that much. So take charge of your life and begin searching for your own happiness NOW. Who knows what will happen later, so think of your happiness as now or never.

A bit nervous....

As someone who has become completely dedicated to my spiritual awakenings, I have decided to go on an "Introduction to Meditation" retreat this weekend. I've been looking forward to this experience for such a long time but now that it's approaching I've become much more nervous. I've never been put in a situation where there is NOTHING to distract me from....myself. Nothing to make my mind of what's really going on inside, who I am, what I want etc. As much as I want to gain a deeper understanding of myself and who I am, I'm still worried about how I will deal with the retreat this weekend. 

Here are some descriptions and guidelines for the retreat, just so you have a better understanding of what I am exposing myself to: 

Daily schedule

4:45 AM Wake-up gong
5:00 AM - 6:00 AM Group meditation
6:00 AM - 6:30 AM Puja chanting
6:30 AM - 6:45 AM Work assignments
7:00 AM - 7:45 AM Breakfast
8:00 AM - 11:00 AM Work period
11:15 AM - 12:00 PM Lunch
1:00 PM - 5:30 PM Personal time/Work period
5:30 PM - 6:30 PM Tea and Dhamma discussion
6:30 PM - 8:00 PM Puja chanting/Group meditation
7:00 PM - 8:00 PM Formal Dhamma talk on Saturdays only
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM Optional meditation

Visitors can expect to help with work for 2-4 hours depending on what needs to be done.

General Guidelines

• Food is not eaten after 12 noon each day. Only tea, juice or soft drinks are consumed after noon. (An evening meal for medical reasons must be approved at the time of registration.) The meals that residents prepare are vegetarian.
• All overnight guests/retreatants/residents must be 18 or older or accompanied by their parent or guardian. (except for the Youth Retreat)
• Abstain from killing, stealing, committing any sexual activity, lying, gossiping, slandering, and using harsh language.
• You may not use a telephone during retreats. When not in retreat, you may use the telephone for a short message using your credit card or by calling collect. Limit your calls to no more than five minutes.
• E-mail and internet access is not available at any time.
• The Bhavana Society is not to be taken as a hotel or recreation center. It is purely a place for serious meditation and Dhamma study.
• Avoid all physical contact except in emergencies.
• If you cannot fully participate in the entire retreat, you will need permission from the leader of the retreat before you can reserve a space to participate.  The guideline to request permission to leave a retreat early:  You will need to contact the monastic leading the retreat and ask permission to leave early before registering (contact our office for details).  If you receive permission from the monastic leading the retreat to leave early, your name would be put on a wait list.  If a space is available the week before the retreat starts, our office will contact you with this information.
• Men should not enter women’s dwellings and women should not enter men’s dwellings, even for loading and unloading vehicles.
• As a matter of respect and etiquette, it is considered inappropriate to point the soles of one’s feet toward a monk, nun or Buddha image. Accordingly, please be aware of your posture in the meditation hall: do not stretch legs out toward the altar and do not lounge or sprawl on the floor.

WOW. It seems so intimidating to read them again even though I already know them. 
So, I'll be leaving on Thursday and coming back home on Sunday. I only have high hopes and a bit of anxiety for my experience. I hope that I am able to reach my goal of internal peace and happiness. I hope that I will learn to relax my brain and mind and live with my heart. I hope I can open myself up to the moment and take it in for what it is. And lastly, I hope that whatever I learn this weekend, I am able to bring back with me and apply it to my everyday life.




"May we be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to us. May we always meet with spiritual success.

May we also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems and failures in life. May we always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness and wisdom."

-Loving Friendliness Meditation: Recitations

Bhante Gunaratana

What do I want? Sky.

For my final weekend before spring break ended (and after working all week!) I decided it was time to get away for a bit and truly get a break from all the stress around me. My family and I went hiking at Shenandoah and it was so beautiful , and hard, and hot, and tiring but just wonderful over all. This year I have developed a closeness with nature that is hard to measure and whenever I am exposed to so much wilderness and true “earth” I am completely mesmerized and taken over. Not only was the hike a huge physical challenge (and I wake up call that I’m really getting out of shape) but it showed me how overwhelming nature can be, how powerful it truly is and what nature is capable of creating. Let me make one thing clear, this was not a regular “walk on grass uphill” hike, but it was a “rocky, edgy and hard” hike.

  

After finally getting some sunshine and exposing myself to this “other world” around me, I really got the chance to experience true nature and enjoy our PLANET. I think many times we take that for granted, and we don’t really enjoy all the beauty that the world brings to us. After 4 miles uphill, we finally got to the summit where we had a miniature picnic and enjoyed the most beautiful view ever. Spring has just begun so the trees are beginning to flower, animals are starting to come out, and there is just such an amazing rebirthing process happening. It felt so good to get away from all the chaos and just relax and take everything in. Not only was it amazing to be in this place but it was amazing to get to share such quality time with my family as well.

On the way down, we stopped by a river where we rested, dipped our feet in and even drank some of its water! Many native Indians believe that water is the complete substance for rebirth and connection with the earth, seeing as it makes up the majority of our planet, it comes from the sky and spreads through our rivers. And there I was taking water DIRECTLY from the earth, it was so refreshing and it truly gave me the energy to carry on with the final hike.

On Saturday, I went to my monthly “woman’s group” with my mom which is always amazing to go to. It really gives me a chance to get in contact with my feminine self and understand my own importance as a woman- which is great especially now that I am growing older and I have to understand my true value. We did massages, talked about our life, ate delicious food, and had our ceremony where we all prayed together. The women in the group are all unique and beautiful and every time I connect with them it gives me such an incredible support. As we all talked, and they discussed their own fears and worries it felt great to feel like I am not the only on going through a tough time and that we all have the same sorts of worries. It also feels great to feel their acceptance and embrace as I share my own story and open my heart up to them.

I think the growth I have reached at this point of my life has been incredible and I feel so in contact with myself and with the universe. I have begun to embrace myself and enjoy my own beauty because there is nothing else like it. That brings a lot of respect for myself, who I am, and more respect towards the world as a whole.

"With a long and slender body

And the sweetest softest hands

And we'll blow away forever soon

And go on to different lands

And please do not ever look for me

But with me you will stay

And you will hear yourself in song

Blowing by one day"

-Suzanne Vega

So many quotes!

I'm sorry I've been so lazy and have barely written but I promise there's something good coming soon! (I hope) haha. But, the super fast and short quote/video I uploaded has lots of meaning! Here's another favorite quote that was actually the one for today on my iPod application :)...and its very true!

Grandmother, Earth

You guys might not get this. But that's okay.... :)

True...

"If you want to be loved.....Be lovable"
-Roman Poet

Amazing!

So many amazing things happened this weekend and I could not feel any better (besides the fact that I cant fall asleep and I have to wake up in 5 1/2 hours)

First…my boyfriend and I took a couples yoga class on Saturday afternoon and it was great! Hahaha it was really funny at times considering we don’t have much experience with kundalini yoga and some poses were HARD! But besides that I really got a chance to get inside myself and reach that internal peace that allows me to give even more into the relationship. The class also focused on Imago therapy which is all about communication and REALLY hearing what the person is saying instead of what WE want to hear from them. We did some appreciation exercises and some (harder) frustration dialogues, where you discuss certain problems in the relationship but in a completely beautiful way. The teacher told us that when someone comes to us with a frustration it is “90% about them and 10% about us” which means that we have to be able to get out of our defensive state of being (and not make the problem about US and take it personally) but truly join the “sender” into their frustration and almost feel their emotions in order to obtain true understanding. It was definitely hard but so so so helpful. We worked a lot on “containment and compassion” which basically means that we have to contain our anger and our defensive side (as mentioned before) and be compassionate towards our partner. So that was pretty beautiful and taking some time to nourish a relationship that is so important to me was great!

2^nd amazing thing:

On Saturday after yoga (and after being in a wonderful mood) I came home to a package- a BOX, from NEW COLLEGE OF FLORIDA which contained their ACCEPTANCE LETTER, a shirt, a CD (they sent me MUSIC- good music, aka, I’m meant to be there!...what kind of school sends out CDs? An amazing one!) and…wait for itttt………A $14,000 SCHOLARSHIP! Needless to say I almost died of joy. So I’m making plans to travel there ASAP and visit and never come back! hahaha just kiddddinggg I actually have a LOT of scholarship applications to fill out or else I can say bye to my dream school so, if anyone has some extra money feel free to send it my wayyy….hahaha.

And the other amazing things were just random, small, but completely impacting things that happen and we rarely notice, aka sunshine, nice people I encountered at work, having a family lunch to celebrate my sister’s pregnancy, etc etc.

I’m getting a bit sleepy now, so I’ll leave you all with that! 

Sweet dreams!

Do:

                               SMILE

                 LIKE

                                    YOU

                             MEAN

                                   IT

Humility is the key to happiness

 Lately I have learned a lot about respect, pride and living in harmony with the rest of the world. I came across this writing which describes the complete cherishing and embracing of other beings, and I was instantly drawn to it.

With the heartfelt desire and determination to attain enlightenment
For the welfare of all living beings, who are more precious than a
Wish-fulfilling jewel for accomplishing the supreme goal,
May I always cherish them and hold them dear. 

Whenever I am with others
May I think of myself as the lowest of all
And from the very depths of my heart
May I respectfully hold others as supreme. 

 In all actions, may I closely examine my state of mind,
And the moment a disturbing emotion or negative attitude arises,
Since this may cause harm to myself and others,
May I firmly face and avert it.

Whenever I meet people of unpleasant character
Or those overwhelmed by negativity, pain or suffering,
May I cherish and care for them as if I had found
A rare and precious treasure difficult to find. 

Whenever others, because of their jealousy, treat me badly
With abuse, insult, slander, or in other unjust ways,
May I accept this defeat myself
And offer the victory to others. 

When someone whom I have benefited
Or in whom I have placed great trust and hope,
Harms me or treats me in hurtful ways without reason,
May I see that person as my precious teacher. 

 

 In brief, may I offer both directly and indirectly all help,
Happiness and benefit to all beings, my mothers,
And may I secretly take upon myself
All of their harmful actions, pain and suffering. 

May I keep all of these practices undefiled by stains of the eight worldly
concerns (gain/loss, pleasure/pain, praise/blame, fame/dishonor),
And by recognizing the emptiness and illusory nature of all existing things,
May I be liberated from the bondage of attachment and mistaken views of reality. 

 When I first read this I thought about how hard it is to complete bestow to someone else, without judgment, and complete remove yourself from who they are. It sounded like having no self respect to me at all. But after analyzing this concept I realized that the ability to do this would actually symbolize complete self respect- the kind where we don't have to justify it to anyone. 

We like to think that we have complete control over life and we know the answers to everything, but we are so wrong. I have realized that life is so much bigger than us, and so much bigger than anything we can possibly imagine; when it comes to life we are absolutely out of control. The only thing we can do is give ourselves to the universe and take whatever comes our way. But we need to learn to respect others and the life they live, because we are no one to judge them. Since we don't know anything about life it is impossible for us to say what is right and what is wrong.  

I think we need to learn to see the light in everyone. We live our life so focused on ourselves and constantly working towards our own benefit that we forget about humility and doing good for others as well. We constantly put ourselves on a pedestal and make ourselves the center of our world. I spoke with a shaman this weekend and he said "it's incredible to see the superficial lives people are living. We neglect the people closest to us, we disrespect them, and many times we don't even look at them in the eyes. Little do we know what we all need that kind of comfort" and we forget that we have to give out our love too.

We need to learn to live our lives with our heart... Because our mind can't recognize that it doesn't see, it doesn't understand it.  But our heart holds the deepest and most wonderful feelings. Our heart doesn't know about holding grudes and complete pride. And when we let our heart come through and guide us we become so much more approachable which results in living a fuller and happier life. 

I believe

In one of my classes we discussed NPR's I believe talks. I loved listening to it because there is something so incredible about other people's beliefs and how they are shaped by their experiences. We  also had to write our own things that we believe in. Here are mine:


Love conquers all


How you act in a crisis shows who you really are


Trust and respect are the most important things in any relationship


Patience is vital for internal peace and relaxation


We have the power to create our own happiness.


I also found this video which i really liked:



...what do you believe?

All We Need Is Just a Little Patience

I’ve learned a few important things about myself in the past couple of days. I am an optimist in many ways and I always try to look for the benefit in things but at the same time, internally, I can be very negative which harms my own well being and my relationships. This is part of the big reason why I love blogging, because as I write about important positive things it helps me keep them clear in my mind as well. Needless to say I am really trying to improve!

          
Anyways, I was somewhat analyzing myself yesterday and I realized that I am very impatient and that I also have a hard time with trust. When I feel threatened in any way I immediately put my guard up and get very defensive. In perspective this comes out as very mean and bitter. I also always want to be in control and I have a hard time with faith.


Realizing our mistakes is the first step in the right direction, and now that I recognize it I am definitely willing to change it.


Since I am working on a changing my life for my own benefit, I have decided that I will work a lot more on my patience and faith. When I work on a piece of art, I completely let myself go, I take my time, and I just let it happen. The reason why I love that is because I feel so at peace and just one with my experience. However in any other situation I am constantly inside myself and it gets a lot harder to open up and just let whatever happens, happen.

 “We need to learn to relax our anticipatory and reactive minds so we can learn to make the connections we are seeking”

If we just have faith in life and in the exact place where we are at, we become a lot calmer and a lot happier for that very reason. We need to be able to trust ourselves and trust others in order to experience things to their fullest. We need to just give ourselves to life and take whatever comes our way. It can be anything, as long as we completely give ourselves to it, it will be worthwhile. 

Very true:

Here comes the sun....

After a hectic week this weekend definitely served to help me get somewhat relaxed once again and to really focus on the way I am feeling, and just get back into contact with myself.

Today I went to an acapella concert at school and I heard a group from Armenia who was really good. Although they sang in a different language, they gave brief introductions to the songs in order to create the setting and help the listener connect. They said they sing about calmer times, when time was measured by the sun in the sky, or when ones biggest rich was to have a field full of crops. I loved hearing them sing and I especially liked the meaning behind their songs.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in what we have to do that we forget to enjoy the little things, or we sometimes begin to value things that don’t have much worth. Being able to relax and just go through my day slowly definitely helped me notice everything around me and just become much calmer on the inside. I think we all need that find of down time.

Another amazing that that is happening is the CHANGE IN WEATHER! Finally, our grey, cold and windy days have some sunshine which just makes everything brighter and more appealing. People are starting to leave their house, go out for a run, play basketball, etc, which is great because we rarely think about how the weather affects our mood. I’m excited for my favorite time of the year to come where I can soak up the sun and truly enjoy things in a carefree and relaxed manner.

“To be calm is the highest achievement of the self”

Interesting....

Listen

I went to the John Mayer concert last night. Needless to say it was incredible. I absolutely love concerts. There is something about the sound and the gathering of so many people that is absolutely breathtaking. And there is this one huge thing in common—no matter how different you are, everyone is more or less there to for one reason: to hear and enjoy the music. I think sound is one of the most incredible things… and it can reveal so much. It’s an art all in itself. If you just listen to everything around, there is a constant sound that we many times ignore, but it’s always there, keeping us company and constantly surrounding us.

When I was in France last summer, we went to eat at a restaurant where everything is completely black and you can’t see anything. The experience is meant to make you see (or should I say feel?) the world in a different way, because once your sight is gone, all other senses become that much more enhanced. All of a sudden, you’re not only listening, but you’re almost seeing through your ears. When I was eating, I lost track of everything. Since I could not see anything I just listened, I stayed quiet and listened to everything. I became a bit desperate too- longing for my sight back, even so that I had to step out of the darkness and into the bathroom where I gathered myself once again. Before I used to think that if I had to choose between being deaf or blind, I would definitely pick deaf, but after that experience I was not so sure.

But back to the point: The feeling I get when I am involved in a piece of music, or sound (like a speech) that I really like is incredible. There is something about sound that is just so comforting and pleasing. And as my friend Hannah said, “Music is the thing that unites the whole world”. The way music can be used to express emotions or convey a specific feeling is incredible and when you share that experience with someone else, there is such a deep connection. I was sooo happy last night to say the least—the music just made me so excited and happy and I could not stop smiling. All of a sudden, everyone surrounding me was my friend and I almost lost track of my body, and I let myself go, and dance and laughed and sang, and I was completely one with the music. It was perfect.

I used to think that I wanted to go to concerts to meet the artist and go crazy, and be able to show off my autograph everywhere. But I had it all wrong….As Jason Mraz said in his blog,

“I’m not the person you want to meet. The music is. And the music is alive in you as much as it is in me. We created it together. Therefore, you already know me. We’ve already hugged and kissed. We grew close for a moment and then said our goodbyes. 
It took my breath away.”

Now that I realize that I have a whole new appreciation for music, especially when it is live. And by letting myself go and submerging myself in the sound I get taken into another world, where all my emotions are so enhanced and perfect. Not only that but I feel one with everything around me. It is such an amazing experience.

You are the music while the music lasts. 

-T.S. Eliot