gotta love postsecret.

Never mind what anybody else does

"Now the world can be an unfair place at times but your lows will have their compliment of highs....And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of or beat you, raise your head and wear your wounds with pride"

This I Believe

I believe the peace we keep searching for can be found within ourselves.

    I was once faced with overwhelming pain and regret that took over me and made it impossible for me to move. I thought of all the people I had ever hurt and the people who have hurt me and I was taken over by a dark emotion of instability and vulnerability. I felt completely alone.  All I could do was cry and cry and face my problems…and I thought to myself “how can life do this to me?” After spending some time submerged in my sorrow and deepest fears I realized that in order to make the pain go away I had to accept my weakness, forgive myself and forgive others.  The overwhelming sensation of depression was so deep inside of me that it was controlling me. It wasn’t until after I accepted reality and realized that I had the power to create my internal peace that I felt completely whole.

    I read a book where the author wrote “we need to get in contact with our own emptiness in order to feel whole again”. I believe there is a lot more going on inside of us than we imagine, but I also believe that deep inside we all have an eternal peace waiting to come out. After I got in contact with my own emptiness, I felt whole, and not just whole, but I felt alive and completely happy. In many ways, we create our world....We create our experiences, outlooks, and beliefs. And internally we are all more humble and peaceful than we think. After my experience with my own pain and frustration I can truly say that the peace and acceptance I was yearning for was completely inside myself. And I recommend to anyone out there to stop looking outside for the peace we desire, because when we take a second to look inward it is already there, we just have to create it. 

Awake

So now I'm back and I must say my experience at the monastery was more than amazing. At first I was anxious, scared and lost but as time passed I began to understand the whole purpose of my retreat and the time I was spending within myself started giving me the answers I was searching for. And that's a really important thing to keep in mind, having patience in whatever you're doing....many times we do things not understanding why yet there is a hidden meaning that is waiting to come out. And as a believer of the saying that some of the hardest experiences in life are the most fulfilling, this weekend definitely proved that right.


I did not speak for 3 days. I spent the time within myself, listening to my thoughts and my emotions as they took place; as I wondered, worried, smiled, etc. It was a different approach at awareness that I hadn't experienced before and it definitely connected my to my inner self and experience. I realized that as humans we have the capability to change our outlook on life, notice and appreciate the constant change in things (including ourselves), and be truly happy from the inside. I realized that we have the ability to control our emotions, and control our reaction. We have the ability to fight through pain, disillusion and find the courage in us to face anything. And most importantly, I realized that we are constantly numbed by external factors that blind us from the true reality of life and the fulfilling and amazing world we cannot notice.


I reached a state of oneness with my inner self that allowed me to notice my deepest emotions, fears, worried, needs, dreams and connected them all together into a beautiful piece of who I am. Not only that, but I got to experience every side of me and notice the contrast, and see the different parts of the person that I am. Lastly, I was able to see that I am a being of love, compassion and peace.


The problem with our world and the way our mind works is that we constantly place experiences in different categories: whether good, bad, or neutral. When something amazing happens to us and we feel happy, we try to hold on to that moment and memory forever, and later on associate another happy experience with that moment and how it felt. At the same time, when something unpleasant happens to us we put it in the "bad" category and neglect it and try to get it our of our lives. The monks said that every obstacle is an opportunity for enlightenment. We need to learn to appreciate and embrace the negative emotions and experiences in order to truly be happy. It's so hard to change and control the world, but with practice we can learn to change and control our minds. "Nothing is good, nor bad but thinking makes it so". Let me tell you one thing, when you are sitting straight up in a lotus position for one hour you feel SEVERE pain. but after a while you begin to realize that the pain subsides and your body gets to a point where it can completely block out the pain that was so clear before. Not only that, but as you become aware of your emotions you begin to see the change that takes place within them. For example: anger, many people believe that when one gets angry that is a constant emotion and all of a sudden their whole day is ruined. But we don't notice that anger only lives for as long as we let it, and after a while it begins to go away, but we get so hung up on the emotion that we keep it alive for longer than it should. By learning to see these changes in our emotions we can be happier and more aware of our experiences as they pass by. Some emotions are uncontrollable but our reaction is always under our control.


I also learned a lot about simplicity and being humble. We keep looking for external factors to make us happy to bring us satisfaction and joy but those factors are only present for as long as they last. External satisfaction is only temporary. When we learn to be happy with the world and ourselves for exactly as they are we can reach a level of satisfaction that can't be taken away from us. We need to begin cultivating our happiness and joy within ourselves instead of placing it always on another object. WE are the holders of our happiness, WE are the holders of our life experience, so we need to stop placing happiness in the future and making excuses for our life of dissatisfaction. The reality is that our happiness is alive within ourselves and is waiting to come out, yet we keep stopping it- always asking for more and more. We truly don't need that much. So take charge of your life and begin searching for your own happiness NOW. Who knows what will happen later, so think of your happiness as now or never.

A bit nervous....

As someone who has become completely dedicated to my spiritual awakenings, I have decided to go on an "Introduction to Meditation" retreat this weekend. I've been looking forward to this experience for such a long time but now that it's approaching I've become much more nervous. I've never been put in a situation where there is NOTHING to distract me from....myself. Nothing to make my mind of what's really going on inside, who I am, what I want etc. As much as I want to gain a deeper understanding of myself and who I am, I'm still worried about how I will deal with the retreat this weekend. 

Here are some descriptions and guidelines for the retreat, just so you have a better understanding of what I am exposing myself to: 

Daily schedule

4:45 AM Wake-up gong
5:00 AM - 6:00 AM Group meditation
6:00 AM - 6:30 AM Puja chanting
6:30 AM - 6:45 AM Work assignments
7:00 AM - 7:45 AM Breakfast
8:00 AM - 11:00 AM Work period
11:15 AM - 12:00 PM Lunch
1:00 PM - 5:30 PM Personal time/Work period
5:30 PM - 6:30 PM Tea and Dhamma discussion
6:30 PM - 8:00 PM Puja chanting/Group meditation
7:00 PM - 8:00 PM Formal Dhamma talk on Saturdays only
8:00 PM - 9:00 PM Optional meditation

Visitors can expect to help with work for 2-4 hours depending on what needs to be done.

General Guidelines

• Food is not eaten after 12 noon each day. Only tea, juice or soft drinks are consumed after noon. (An evening meal for medical reasons must be approved at the time of registration.) The meals that residents prepare are vegetarian.
• All overnight guests/retreatants/residents must be 18 or older or accompanied by their parent or guardian. (except for the Youth Retreat)
• Abstain from killing, stealing, committing any sexual activity, lying, gossiping, slandering, and using harsh language.
• You may not use a telephone during retreats. When not in retreat, you may use the telephone for a short message using your credit card or by calling collect. Limit your calls to no more than five minutes.
• E-mail and internet access is not available at any time.
• The Bhavana Society is not to be taken as a hotel or recreation center. It is purely a place for serious meditation and Dhamma study.
• Avoid all physical contact except in emergencies.
• If you cannot fully participate in the entire retreat, you will need permission from the leader of the retreat before you can reserve a space to participate.  The guideline to request permission to leave a retreat early:  You will need to contact the monastic leading the retreat and ask permission to leave early before registering (contact our office for details).  If you receive permission from the monastic leading the retreat to leave early, your name would be put on a wait list.  If a space is available the week before the retreat starts, our office will contact you with this information.
• Men should not enter women’s dwellings and women should not enter men’s dwellings, even for loading and unloading vehicles.
• As a matter of respect and etiquette, it is considered inappropriate to point the soles of one’s feet toward a monk, nun or Buddha image. Accordingly, please be aware of your posture in the meditation hall: do not stretch legs out toward the altar and do not lounge or sprawl on the floor.

WOW. It seems so intimidating to read them again even though I already know them. 
So, I'll be leaving on Thursday and coming back home on Sunday. I only have high hopes and a bit of anxiety for my experience. I hope that I am able to reach my goal of internal peace and happiness. I hope that I will learn to relax my brain and mind and live with my heart. I hope I can open myself up to the moment and take it in for what it is. And lastly, I hope that whatever I learn this weekend, I am able to bring back with me and apply it to my everyday life.




"May we be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to us. May we always meet with spiritual success.

May we also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems and failures in life. May we always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness and wisdom."

-Loving Friendliness Meditation: Recitations

Bhante Gunaratana

What do I want? Sky.

For my final weekend before spring break ended (and after working all week!) I decided it was time to get away for a bit and truly get a break from all the stress around me. My family and I went hiking at Shenandoah and it was so beautiful , and hard, and hot, and tiring but just wonderful over all. This year I have developed a closeness with nature that is hard to measure and whenever I am exposed to so much wilderness and true “earth” I am completely mesmerized and taken over. Not only was the hike a huge physical challenge (and I wake up call that I’m really getting out of shape) but it showed me how overwhelming nature can be, how powerful it truly is and what nature is capable of creating. Let me make one thing clear, this was not a regular “walk on grass uphill” hike, but it was a “rocky, edgy and hard” hike.

  

After finally getting some sunshine and exposing myself to this “other world” around me, I really got the chance to experience true nature and enjoy our PLANET. I think many times we take that for granted, and we don’t really enjoy all the beauty that the world brings to us. After 4 miles uphill, we finally got to the summit where we had a miniature picnic and enjoyed the most beautiful view ever. Spring has just begun so the trees are beginning to flower, animals are starting to come out, and there is just such an amazing rebirthing process happening. It felt so good to get away from all the chaos and just relax and take everything in. Not only was it amazing to be in this place but it was amazing to get to share such quality time with my family as well.

On the way down, we stopped by a river where we rested, dipped our feet in and even drank some of its water! Many native Indians believe that water is the complete substance for rebirth and connection with the earth, seeing as it makes up the majority of our planet, it comes from the sky and spreads through our rivers. And there I was taking water DIRECTLY from the earth, it was so refreshing and it truly gave me the energy to carry on with the final hike.

On Saturday, I went to my monthly “woman’s group” with my mom which is always amazing to go to. It really gives me a chance to get in contact with my feminine self and understand my own importance as a woman- which is great especially now that I am growing older and I have to understand my true value. We did massages, talked about our life, ate delicious food, and had our ceremony where we all prayed together. The women in the group are all unique and beautiful and every time I connect with them it gives me such an incredible support. As we all talked, and they discussed their own fears and worries it felt great to feel like I am not the only on going through a tough time and that we all have the same sorts of worries. It also feels great to feel their acceptance and embrace as I share my own story and open my heart up to them.

I think the growth I have reached at this point of my life has been incredible and I feel so in contact with myself and with the universe. I have begun to embrace myself and enjoy my own beauty because there is nothing else like it. That brings a lot of respect for myself, who I am, and more respect towards the world as a whole.

"With a long and slender body

And the sweetest softest hands

And we'll blow away forever soon

And go on to different lands

And please do not ever look for me

But with me you will stay

And you will hear yourself in song

Blowing by one day"

-Suzanne Vega