I found an old box that I had labeled “Laura’s Memories”. I made it when I was about 10 years old, and in it were many old letters, drawing, notes and an old diary. Needless to say it was a big walk down memory lane.
In the diary, I read pages full of my childhood problems of fighting with my sister, peeing my pants, not getting a new bike, etc. But most importantly I read an entree where I had written that I did not feel like I belonged with my family; That I felt alone and misunderstood. I was so shocked because at such a young age I did not think that I would be able to recognize such emotions or at least write about them in the way that I did.
I have always felt different than the rest of my family. Not that we do not get along, because we do and I love them so much, but many times I feel misunderstood. The thing is that I don’t really even know how to change or to improve the situation. As I saw all my old memories I realized that many things have changed and that our family has grown further and further apart which I really sad. I guess we have just gotten too caught up in our own lives and have become a bit selfish.
But why did I write those things in my diary? I started to wonder if we as humans gain our self worth internally or externally….which is a really complicated question because even though we do need some approval or to feel like we are making someone proud, we still have our internal emotions and values. I know who I am; I know what I am worth, so how can my own family or anyone judge me?
I guess the way we look at this question is all personal…but in the end we have to live in acceptance with everything around us- love everyone for who they are, and just embrace their uniqueness. We are no one to make judgments on someone else.
And from now on, I will do my best to never judge anyone around me... and I will put more effort into my family relationships because after all they are the people that have known me since I was little and they are the people more likely to stay in my life forever.
I have lost count of how many times I have told myself that I'm going to try "not to judge people." It's not possible... unless you are a Buddhist monk or completely enlightened. (Which we may soon become) I believe that it is completely about how you react to your judgments and your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWe can only rise above our feelings when we learn to accept all of them, good and bad.